just like he used to always bring up stories of his exes, i keep having dreams about my ex girlfriends.

i miss them both so much. i can't go back on the mistakes i have made but i wish i could apologize to the both of them, and do what i should've known to. i want to give them peace. i think it will balance my soul's karma. but that's not why i want to. i think i will love them forever in some way or another. i want them to be happy. i wish i could make them feel my love for them, but my opportunity has past.

in college, the mindset is completely different about girls. it's all about the fast life. but i don't think i'm ever gonna have a true friend like i did with the girls i dated in high school. both were very special and were uniquely dysfunctional with me.

i know the second would hate me for having grouped her with the other. i wish i cared for her like she needed me to. i know that in the midst of it all i did what i could and i wasn't capable of what i am now, but i wish i somehow could have. she was not perfect, but she was my girl. i loved her until i couldn't.

the one before has gone on to live her life, as she should. she is strong and smart and i know she will be fine, but i hope she will be happy soon. i wronged her, and i wish i could apologize for my behavior. she tried harder for me than what i deserved.

they are both beautiful people. if the second one reads this ur the best, don't worry. if the first reads this, i'm sorry and i hope ur doing well and are still doing ur pediatric surgeon plan -- u will do great!! ur a good person. second one do not be mad at me!!! i miss(ed) you. and ur temper and all ur quicks actually. fuck i wish i could bring u back and put u on a pedestal. it's what u wanted. that's why this exists. shhhh. ;)